How to Get Back with an Ex
In order to get back with your ex, you need to take advantage of 2 human needs that are present in everyone and in particular, your ex. The first is the need for personal gratification and the second is the need for emotional fulfillment. Let me explain.
A wise person once taught me this acronym, ‘WIIFM’. You probably have heard of it. It stands for ‘What’s in it for me’. Everyone is basically selfish in a sense that he or she only does something when there is some advantage in it for him or her. So after you have broken up, you stand a chance of getting your ex back only when he or she can find some advantage in renewing the relationship with you. If there is no or little advantage or if someone else can provide a better advantage to your ex, you can wave goodbye to him or her.
What benefit or advantage can you give that someone else can’t or at least you can give better than someone else can? Give your ex the best person that you can be. In other words, improve yourself the best you can and give yourself back to your ex.
So review any areas of your life that need to be improved especially areas that contributed to the breakup. Have you had a bad temper? Were you unfaithful to your ex? Were you too wrapped up in your own self-importance? Were you dishonest? Make the changes, no matter how small they may be. You might even consider changing yourself physically in how you dress or look. Make sure you improve your health by eating, sleeping and exercising well. How about some new clothes or hairstyle? When you get your ex back you don’t want him or her to receive back the same old unchanged you.
When your ex can see the changes in you and how it will benefit him or her, half the battle of getting your ex back is won.
The other need people have is for emotional fulfillment. This means meeting your ex’s emotional needs better than anyone else. The ability to meet each other’s emotional needs is one of the most powerful ‘glues’ that make a couple stick together. You must do that for your ex. Otherwise, you may be able to get him or her back, but the relationship will not last and you may break up again in future.
So how can you meet your ex’s emotional needs? Sociologists have discovered 5 basic love languages. They are words, touch, quality time, giving gifts and acts of service. Through one of these ways, we each communicate our love. Some speak words of encouragement (“I love you,” “you’re the best,”etc), some like to touch, hug, cuddle and kiss, some want to just be there together with their loved one, some give gifts while others do things to show their love. Whatever your love language is, it is also the way you like to receive love from your loved one. Hence, you must know what your ex’s primary love language is and show your love to him or her through that way. This is a surefire way to meet your ex’s emotional needs.
If your own love language is the same as your ex’s, then it makes it easier. But if yours differs from your ex’s, it is still possible although a bit harder for you to meet his or her emotional need. You just have to practice showing love through your ex’s love language rather than your own.
Immediately after the breakup, it’s useful to take a break from contacting your ex for a few weeks. Use the time to do the 2 things above – improve yourself and practice meeting your ex’s emotional needs. Once you have done so, then all you need to do is to find an opportunity to meet up with your ex again. When your ex can see the changes in you and you can meet his or her emotional needs, you will be back together with each other in no time.
A wise person once taught me this acronym, ‘WIIFM’. You probably have heard of it. It stands for ‘What’s in it for me’. Everyone is basically selfish in a sense that he or she only does something when there is some advantage in it for him or her. So after you have broken up, you stand a chance of getting your ex back only when he or she can find some advantage in renewing the relationship with you. If there is no or little advantage or if someone else can provide a better advantage to your ex, you can wave goodbye to him or her.
What benefit or advantage can you give that someone else can’t or at least you can give better than someone else can? Give your ex the best person that you can be. In other words, improve yourself the best you can and give yourself back to your ex.
So review any areas of your life that need to be improved especially areas that contributed to the breakup. Have you had a bad temper? Were you unfaithful to your ex? Were you too wrapped up in your own self-importance? Were you dishonest? Make the changes, no matter how small they may be. You might even consider changing yourself physically in how you dress or look. Make sure you improve your health by eating, sleeping and exercising well. How about some new clothes or hairstyle? When you get your ex back you don’t want him or her to receive back the same old unchanged you.
When your ex can see the changes in you and how it will benefit him or her, half the battle of getting your ex back is won.
The other need people have is for emotional fulfillment. This means meeting your ex’s emotional needs better than anyone else. The ability to meet each other’s emotional needs is one of the most powerful ‘glues’ that make a couple stick together. You must do that for your ex. Otherwise, you may be able to get him or her back, but the relationship will not last and you may break up again in future.
So how can you meet your ex’s emotional needs? Sociologists have discovered 5 basic love languages. They are words, touch, quality time, giving gifts and acts of service. Through one of these ways, we each communicate our love. Some speak words of encouragement (“I love you,” “you’re the best,”etc), some like to touch, hug, cuddle and kiss, some want to just be there together with their loved one, some give gifts while others do things to show their love. Whatever your love language is, it is also the way you like to receive love from your loved one. Hence, you must know what your ex’s primary love language is and show your love to him or her through that way. This is a surefire way to meet your ex’s emotional needs.
If your own love language is the same as your ex’s, then it makes it easier. But if yours differs from your ex’s, it is still possible although a bit harder for you to meet his or her emotional need. You just have to practice showing love through your ex’s love language rather than your own.
Immediately after the breakup, it’s useful to take a break from contacting your ex for a few weeks. Use the time to do the 2 things above – improve yourself and practice meeting your ex’s emotional needs. Once you have done so, then all you need to do is to find an opportunity to meet up with your ex again. When your ex can see the changes in you and you can meet his or her emotional needs, you will be back together with each other in no time.
